I grew up in a strange environment--I was born into and raised in a church known loosely known as "the Assembly" which began as a Jesus movement and slowly developed into a power-hungry, controlling and spiritually abusive organization that took over its members lives and destroyed them bit by bit with skewed theology, mind games, guilt and abuse of all sorts.
I grew up there being filled with the belief of my own self-worthlessness and indoctrinated with lies that ensured I could never be good enough, never be good at all. Luckily, I got out of it when I was eleven years old, found healthy people and the "real world" out there, and luckily--God didn't let go of me through it, the real God, not the one they tried to paint before my eyes. I'm a surviver, but I'm also a casualty, crippled in ways I'm only just discovering by the world that reared my innocent child's mind.
I've only just come into the realization of the scars I bear now because of it, it's crazy--it never occurred to me before two months ago that it had any hold on me at all, but in the process of exploring and owning up to my own past--I'm learning so much about who I am, and who I want to be...and a heck of a lot about who I don't want to be. I won't be what they tried to make me, I won't be weak, and I won't believe the lies they put in my head.
God is good, he's not a monster. God is loving, he's not cruel, and I am passionately pursued, not worthless.
These sorts of things are bigger and more common than most people realize--it's an issue that needs to be heard because, as a victim myself I know what it's like to be damaged and not even realize, to have been made to live in submission, believing that any pain I feel is my own fault.
If anyone wants to talk, send me a message, I'd love to talk with you--whether you've been through something similar, are questioning a situation you're currently in, or just want to know more: I'm game.
God IS good people, and it is man, not God that destroys lives. You're not alone. And you never were.
all the glory to God, the real one--the one They couldn't take from me and never will